Celebrating interracial marriages between Asians & Caucasians

Fun Stuff

We can poke fun at ourselves quite easily... here's some fun Haole & Asian stuff to make you laugh!

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Asian President? • Why marry a Haole • Rules for Asian Parenting • What  I should've taught my husband

Haole - (how-lee): "Foreigner," refers to anyone not born and raised in Hawaii.

Are you a haole who has fallen in love with a girl from the islands of Aloha? If you are, you had better be prepared:

1. NEVER presume it's okay to call her parents "mom" or "dad" immediately after marrying her. (You're not family yet, buddy! ) Don't call them "Mr." or "Mrs." either though, it's waaay too formal and reminds everyone you're a "haole." And calling them by their first name is tantamount to suicide. So yes, it's better to avoid referring to them altogether.

2. Never (under penalty of death) wear your shoes into the house. (And in case you're wondering, even a quick dash back into the house to grab something you forgot while the car is still running is NOT okay. This will only result in much eye rolling, deep exhaling, and terse comments of "I can't believe you tracked all that sh%* into the house!!!"

3. You will be the recipient of a very horrific "stink eye" if you EVER dare to criticize her parents, or even nod an absentminded "uh huh" to empathize while she complains about them herself. Just nod sympathetically but do NOT attempt to contribute.

4. Accept that you will sleep in her parent's living room for every single visit even though there are perfectly good hotels everywhere. (And consider yourself forewarned, the very act of even offering to get a hotel room will do nothing but create a very awkward silence and the witholding of all physical intimacy for at least a year).

5. If you're hosting a party of 20 of her family and friends, cook enough food for 300. If you run out of food, god help you...you're finished. Just pack your suitcase and go back home.

6. Eat white rice with every single meal until you die.

7. Spend every holiday with her family, eating on the living room floor (even though there are vacant chairs all around the house).

8. Learn how to hug the hundreds of people she calls "auntie" and "uncle" on each visit (but then later tells you in private that she is not in anyway actually related to).

9. Never buy an actual present for a wedding or birthday...it's gotta be cash (any actual gift given is automatically assumed to be from a distant, unknowing "haole" who couldn't have known better, i.e. - they will know it's from you.) "Oh! Candlesticks and a candy dish! How nice..."

10. Learn how to love spam, baby! Though questionable, accept that is a valid form of meat and can be eaten 10 different ways. Declaring that you "don't eat spam" is the equivalent of saying "I don't like anything about you" to your in laws.

11. Throw away all your best suits and ties. There is no better way to announce that your girl has married a "haole" than showing up in a coat and tie to a party.

12. You must never call her slippers "thongs." Especially in front of her family and friends.

13. Never tell them how things are done "back in the states." Hawaii IS a state. (And by the way, it only takes a 37 cents stamp to mail things there.)

14. While back home with your girl, never think it's okay to drive fast, complain about how slow things are there, or lose your temper. Even though you DID ask the waitress for guava juice 3 times and never got it, just smile and tip 25%. (Everyone in Hawaii either was a waiter, or is related to someone who is.)

15. No matter how tired you are, or how late it is, NEVER, and I do mean NEVER attempt to get into bed without taking a bath. Morning showers are only seen as "bonus showers" but are not ever an acceptable substitute for not taking a night time shower.

16. If her family is discussing having a party, never suggest a potluck. (The definition of potluck in Hawaii is "person who is too poor to host their own party but throws one anyway.")

17. Do not ever openly admire any object in a another person's home. It will end up in your suitcase, and you will be forced to compensate tenfold.

And finally....the most important rule of them all-

Always attempt to pay for dinner by offering to take care of the check at least 2-3 times. (Don't panic, her father will prevail...but if you don't play-fight with him over the check for at least 2 minutes you will be seen as "cheap." And no, the game does not get old over the years...you'd better be doing the same charade in twenty years!!!)